How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
