I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
