Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize