I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
