I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
