He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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