I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You need a sexual gate keeper
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize