I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
