just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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