Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize