There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
