nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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