the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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