the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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