he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
