doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
