mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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