Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
