We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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