All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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