i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
