he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
