dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
