I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
