absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
