Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
