saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize