Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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