I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
