I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
