But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize