Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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