Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
