Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
It was confusing and full of hummus
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
