She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
