I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
