On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
