In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
