dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
