Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
