Can i not drive my cunt home
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
