so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize