Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he puts the penis in happiness.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
