i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
