Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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