Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
