I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
