Your face is a jimmy john
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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