I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
