wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
