YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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