I cockslap morals
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
