i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
