Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
