so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize