then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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