i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
