ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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