She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
