I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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