she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
