The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
