We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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