it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
