would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
