i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
