As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
