There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize