Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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