I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
