I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
