how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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