I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
