sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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