Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize