I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
