I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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