is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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