I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Boobs speak an international language.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
