Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize