Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
