Please, let me fuck your mom
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
