apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
