You can't motorboat a personality
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
