It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I think I have vodka in my lungs
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
