I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
