I'm really into asian looking animals
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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