Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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