Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
