He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
