i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
