If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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