she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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