just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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