I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
