My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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