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Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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