is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
