i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
