For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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