I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
