Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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