never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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