can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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