Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
