I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
