Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Randomize
