I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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