last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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