We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
