She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
