It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
