Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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