Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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