He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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