i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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