There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
