Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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