I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
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