I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
How does it feel to date your dad?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
